fathers’ day
listening in bed across the house
(doors open closure disallowed)
hearing mother say no
hearing father say conjugtal rights
hearing mother say no
no more fucking ever ended
(playing in the bath
sucking squirting spraying
all unknowing
with a glass douche
syringe pair found
in bathroom cabinet
best bathtime fun
toys long time long
until long last snap
broken ending play guilt
but still unknowing then
extracting never again)
she told us wished he’d find
a mistress at least a whore
in that London after working
in Marsham Street visiting
in Army and Navy buying
coffee liquor candy bean shells
while we quaking waiting late return
from slamdoor nightmare trains
tension tensor turning twistor
'til cracked anger over trivia
triggered cough or sniff or …
yet another nose bleed
living life in fear muffling
coughs under pillow sounds
carried bedroom to bedroom
triggering explosive fury
I unhung the open door my inner walls
by then enforcing silence
6th December 2016, 2nd March 2019